Friday, November 30, 2012

Views from both sides

The Saint read the following "letter" on Google+ by "mani mittal" ( which is a fairly typical "man bashing" post.  It is amusing, the Saint would agree, but lacked a male rebuttal.  So following the "woman's" perspective, the Saint has added the male view.

The Women’s View


Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.


Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command: C:/ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create "Snoring Loudly" wave files. DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Good Luck! Tech Support

The Man's View:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 6.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that this program has begun making unexpected changes to the operating system, like limiting access to Boysnightout 4.0 and NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0 applications.  In addition, Wife 1.0 recently uninstalled other valuable programs like Sexisfun 4.0 and Thatisagreatidea 3.2. I have tried Beggingforsex 4.5, but it runs well only occassionally, and lately Ihaveaheadache 3.0 starts to run whenever I use this application.

I also used to use Buyflowers 5.2 and Buyjewelry 6.3, but it appears Ihaveaheadache 3.0 has somehow disabled these programs along with Romance 9.9.  Also Tears 6.2 and Guilt 3.0 often shut down Iloveyou 5.4 and cause Grumpysilence 2.5 to run.

Enjoyableconversations 6.3 used to run without effort, but has been replaced by Whydon’tyougetabetterjob 3.4 and Ihatemylife 5.7.  These last two programs seem to run on 28 day cycles and last 4 to 5 days.  Additionally, a virus called Whyareyousostupid has infected the system on multiple occasions. Wife 1.0 also seems fixated on its appearance and is constantly asking me if the keyboard makes its monitor look big.

Finally, Motherinlaw 9.4 has been sending me text message about how I don’t have enough “band width” to allow Wife 1.0 to operate effectively and some other unintelligible text messages about sending flowers and buying jewelry.

I still love Wife 1.0, but need to find a way for it to stop interfering with my favorite programs.


Why are things changing

Dear Why Are Things Changing:

Unfortunately, you did not read the operators manual for Wife 1.0 before you installed it, or you would have known about these issues. Remember when you checked the box “I do”? By accepting the terms of service, you agreed to all of these “issues” in advance. I realize the user’s manual was 4,567 pages long, but you should have been more careful.

At this point, there isn’t much you can do with Wife 1.0. Adding Girlfriend 7.0 is a very expensive proposition and is not one we recommend. Running both applications takes a lot of system resources, and you can never run them at the same time without dire consequences, up to and including the dreaded “blue screen of death”.

You correctly noted that some of these issues seem to be cyclical.  About all you can do with these problems is run Yesdear 3.3 and Itisallmyfault 4.2 for approximately 4 to 5 days.

There is talk of Wife 1.1 that would fix some of these bugs. This would add new modules to the program called Iloveyouasyouare and Youaresosexy along with Youaresosmart. But it is rumored that to install these modules you will have to invest in some additional hardware such as Abottleofwine and Diamondsareagirlsbestfriend. It may also require you to remove certain other hardware such as Yourtesticles and Yourbackbone.

We wish we could be of more assistance, but at the present time you will just have to find your own work around to these issues.

Good luck!

Tech Support

Friday, November 16, 2012

Here we go again.

The Saint has removed from public view his past posts to this blog.  However, the Saint will be reviewing the 800+ blog entries and will bring back some of the best ones.  Have patience.
The Saint has been on an extended vacation from writing on this blog. But the Saint is back. The Saint hopes to share with you his unworldly intellect in the near future. :)